In this interview we talk to 28 year old Nicole about the intimate relationship she had with her mother, and we discover how such a bond between mother and daughter can be incredibly empowering, not only for their relationship but for others too.

I hear you had a slightly different relationship with your mother when it came to sex. Can you enlighten us about that a little?

My mother has a very enlightened – to use your word – view of sex. Of its meaning. Of the morality surrounding it.

She has always considered sex to be empowering, to be something worth the exploration and she was always happy to share her opinions, experience, and answer any questions. This revelation first started when I was about… 4 or 5 years old.

Wow, that’s pretty young! What kind of revelations were you getting at this age?

To give some perspective… many children in my neighbourhood had been sexually abused by their relatives. Their very young age and ignorance had enabled others to take advantage. My mother decided to eliminate that issue by discussing the ‘birds and bees’ with us early. She was entirely frank and open to our queries, she expressed even then that sex was an amazing thing, almost sacred, and she was not at all embarrassed to get into physical detail.

I think her ease at approaching the subject is very unusual given the things I’ve heard from friends and their own experiences with that sort of discussion. Of course at that time we were still very conservative, so naturally she did not discuss in any great detail other sides of sex… BDSM, homosexual, role-playing, etc.

Cool. So, when she knew you were sexually active, what changed?

That’s an interesting question. I was not sexually active until later than most of my friends. At that time we were no longer conservative, and things had changed quite a bit. As we were very close, she was aware of these details, and she encouraged me rather strongly to explore that side of myself.

When she found out that I had eventually had sex she was thrilled. It was one of those “Yay!! I’m so happy for you!! Now tell me all about it. Was he good? What did you like? Where do you think you can improve? Did you orgasm?”

It was a little overwhelming!

As your sex life developed, did you mother get more involved?

Well, I had showed an interest in dominance in the respect of BDSM, and it turned out this was something she was very familiar with.

At the time, she had a lover who was also her submissive. So, utilizing his body and desire to serve, she showed me certain techniques (after first checking that I had read about these things – she was always very firm on doing research first and never going into something blindly.)

I learned whipping techniques, wax, sensualized experiences (for instance what to do when your sub is tied up and blindfolded to give them an excellent experience), fisting, etc etc.

By the time I had acquired my own submissive, we would meet and hold shared sessions

She also taught me about her view on the philosophy of BDSM. For example, it was important that I respected my sub’s limits and knew how to find them. Once again, going into something blindly was – obviously – not recommended when someone’s health – mental and physical – was in your hands.

I would share lovers with my mother. Never at the same time but certainly in the next room. Sometimes she would hand over a sub (she had several) and smile at me while telling me to make them suffer.

Now before that freaks you out… This was never something the sub hadn’t already given permission for one way or another.

But it was a heady experience. As exhilarating as it can be to have someone on their knees in front of you, it’s also a bit terrifying. You realize there’s a lot of responsibility on you, and definitely want to make sure that you give that person a good ‘scene’. After awhile and with more time, you are able to give yourself over to the experience and enjoy it more the more experience you acquire.

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How was it for you sharing lovers with her? Do you have any other stand out memories from these times?

It was a very enjoyable time. We were very close then and would spend hours discussing techniques, lovers, and psychology.

The most fantastic part was that we could always figure out the solutions to any questions or issues we had by talking it out.

My stand out memory… hmm… There was this girl my mother knew – closer to my age. This girl I’ll call “Sadie”. Sadie had a very low view of herself. Naturally, being raised in a conservative environment and all the ignorance it entails, she had a lot of guilt involved with having and (gasp!) enjoying sex.

She was hyperaware of people’s opinion concerning her as she had had a child at a young age (see: ignorance in a conservative society), and she was a single mother. This only added to her denigrated view of self.

She was one of my mother’s occasional submissives. My mother sought to assist her in this regard; and whereas she was certainly able to fulfill Sadie’s wishes for punishment, my mother preferred to augment Sadie’s experience.

In what way?

She would have Sadie make love to any one of my mother’s submissives in front of initially just her and I (the list grew). We would extol virtues to Sadie, say that she was a goddess (she was), that the man beneath her had to do as she commanded, that she was worthy of love and praise. We would explain about her prowess and give advice on her technique.

We watched Sadie flower from self-loathing individual to a person with incredible self-empowerment and self worth. She was proud of her body, proud herself, knowledgeable and confident. It was an amazing thing to see. This took quite a good few months but was very much worth the effort.

Wow. That’s amazing. What did you learn most from your mum that you take into your sexual life?

That’s very complex. The first thing I would say would be… empowerment. Sex and the BDSM scene are all about empowerment. Remember, I did NOT say power. Empowerment and confidence are the keys to these amazing experiences.

No matter when planning a BDSM scene, you must have confidence but not the kind of confidence derived from ego. You need to have the confidence to own up to when you are wrong or when you have made a mistake. It doesn’t make you less of a person, and your submissive will trust you implicitly when they are sure that you are more than willing and capable to be honest and straightforward.

The BDSM scene is all about empowerment to me. Your submissive is empowered when they ask for that ‘deep, dark’ desire in their heart and receive it with no judgment. You are empowered when you are able to look at a prone, helpless form and seek to deliver an experience that will send them to new heights.

These are the two things I learned in spades from my mother, and they have helped in innumerable ways in my day-to-day life.

⁉️ Do you know your EROTIC BLUEPRINT TYPE? Click here to take the quiz ⁉️

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