Here are our fundamentals and the best relationship advice we could possibly give – and these are explained in more detail in our book Collapsing The 9 Love Struggles: A Practical Guide To Transform Relationships And Elevate Love. You can get this free if you click here.

So, here goes:

The Best Relationship Advice, Ever. The 9 Fundamental Pillars Of All Relationships

1. Self Love

“You have to love yourself because no amount of love from others is sufficient to fill the yearning that your soul requires from you” Dadansky.

Self Love is the foundation upon everything else is built. If you can’t spend a day alone in complete harmony with yourself you will reach out to your partner for love. This inevitably takes the form of requiring your partner to show up in a specific way for you to be happy. Fill yourself up with self love and this becomes irrelevant!

2. Heal The Past

“Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional” Anon.

Our journey is to show us that everything love is not. We came into these human bodies to experience what love isn’t so that we could experience what love really is! When we accept our past and we are completely grateful the lessons we can move forward without being resentful for our past.

3. Have A Vision Of The Future

“There is nothing like a dream to create the future” – Victor Hugo

The world’s greatest structures are planned out to the finest detail, yet when it comes to the most important structure of our life we tend to put no vision into what it should like. This is a recipe for crazy in my book!

It is far more advantageous for your well being to be clear from the outset of what your grand vision is for this partnership because things will shift once you are in it. What is that you want to co-create with your partner?

4. Emotional Mastery

“If you bring forth that which is within you, then that which is within you will be your salvation. If you do not bring forth that which is within you, then that which is within you will destroy you.” —The Gnostic Gospels

Emotions give us the depth and richness of how we experience our world. Our emotions towards our experience are the defining element of what they are. The thoughts we have give us framework, the emotions give it character, vivacity, a beautiful glow.

The purpose of emotions is to be fully with them and give our soul the opportunity to record them, with full value. There can be no judgment of the experience or the emotions as you go through this recording process. Take time by yourself to let your emotions process and then come back to a place of peace.

5. Understanding Men/The Masculine

“Man must evolve for all human conflict which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is Love.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

The majority of men have been culturally conditioned to live in their heads and to not feel their hearts, or even their bodies. If you felt your heart, would you even dare to rape, abuse, or dictate? The disconnect that men feel between the brain, heart, and genitals has been imposed on them. It is a program. It takes a journey of self-discovery to start dropping the program. Give permission for the man in your life to feel is heart on a daily basis. Men, give yourself permission, too!

6. Understanding Women/The Feminine

“The higher self and soul is innocent, and when it tastes its own innocence knows that it lives forever.” Anon.

If women were to take the path given by the modern media they would spend money on sexy clothes, covering their faces with make up and trying to find the next thing to make themselves more attractive as they don’t feel it inside their self. It’s time to support women to feel all the love that she is.

Because of the society we live in, the skills that often come naturally to a woman, the nurturing, the family skills, these are often ignored in comparison to men’s skills. Let’s start acknowledging what a woman represents in this world – innocence and nurturing love!

7. Unconditional Love and Integrity

“I have looked at you in infinite ways and I have loved you in each”

The struggle here is taking the conditions off love. We don’t know how to do it because love has always been defined by conditions.

Unconditional love doesn’t need anything! Essentially, unconditional love acknowledges a soul has it’s own choices and it is not offended by another being’s decision to choose them or not choose them in that moment. If a soul has come down to earth to experience something different to what you want, that is their choice. It is not good or bad, it just is.

By recognizing this as truth, we can fall into unconditional love with ease.

8. Communication & Awareness

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that has taken place” George Bernard Shaw

When we have heart-centered communication, it’s impossible to go wrong. Did you ever hear a politician speak from the heart? It rarely happens! If they spoke from the heart then the world wouldn’t need to be saved.

If we go completely unconscious (much of the current world) we won’t listen or hear anyone, we are just waiting for the person to stop speaking so that we can speak.

When you speak about sensitive subjects give your partner the opportunity to speak. Listen consciously. Pause before saying your reply and say, “Thank you, I hear you.” And then continue your answer.

9. Sexuality & Intimacy

“It’s time we saw sex as the truly sacred art that it is. A deep meditation, a holy communion and a dance with the force of creation.” Marcus Allen.

It’s important to make time for sex in a relationship. When both partners make the time to put sex as a thing to do then it becomes a co-creative experience. Sex doesn’t mean full penetration, it could mean a multitude of different things! The spectrum of sex is so huge!

Trust and presence are the foremost attributes you need for a great sex life. Are you both fully present when you are with each other? Get into your body by sitting and doing deep breathing whilst gazing into each other’s eyes. Breathe into each other’s hearts and then start whatever you both feel is right for that moment.

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  • thanks for reading and actively learning as well! 🙂

  • Starr

    Of all those tips on how to have better relationships I think the one that most resonated with me is the one about healing the past. I have been guilty of bringing the past into the present and therefore damaging my future. Thanks for a very helpful and informative article.

  • Mistiq11

    What a wonderful idea to discuss this with your partner. I had never thought of doing that but I can see how sharing articles like this one would be so beneficial to our relationship as a whole.